Of fears and then some.

I don’t fear failure,
Because if I don’t fail,
The desire to succeed won’t be fuelled.

I am not afraid of rejection,
Because the loss is theirs,
And only theirs, to bear.

I don’t fear loss,
Because that I lose,
Was never mine anyways.

I am not afraid of trial,
Because when life tries me,
It strengthens my faith in myself.

I don’t fear love,
Because when I love,
I also let myself be loved.

I am not afraid of hurt,
Because if I don’t get hurt,
I won’t value sentiments.

I don’t fear responsibility,
Because if I can take care of myself,
I can also take care of someone/ something else.

I am not afraid of Nana Patekar,
He is after all,
Just a little nuts.

I don’t fear people,
Because no one can hurt me,
Till I allow them to.
Nor do I fear their intelligence,
Because that is their gift,
Not mine.

I am not afraid of lies,
Because without lies,
Truth wouldn’t be valued.

I don’t fear being cheated,
Because without knowing the cheats,
I won’t know the honest.

I am not afraid of the dark,
Because without losing myself in the dark,
Light is valueless.

I don’t fear despair,
Because without feeling despair,
I won’t push myself that extra mile.

I am not afraid of work,
Because without doing work,
I won’t fulfil my purpose.

I don’t fear relationships,
Because without relationships,
I can’t value loneliness.

I am not afraid of abandonment,
Because without knowing abandonment,
I can’t appreciate camaraderie.

I don’t fear Himesh Reshammiya,
Because he is after all,
Only earning a living.

I am not afraid of ill health,
Because it is I who has to pay for the abuse,
I give my body and spirit.

I don’t fear bad company,
Because without seeing who they are,
I can’t see who I am.

I am not afraid of Death,
Because I know I am Transient.
Nor am I afraid of life,
For I must live till I must.

I am brave enough to say all of this,
Because I am a pearl,
And this world is my oyster,
I was created to shine with brilliance.

The Travellers Search

I wandered beyond the mists of the horizon,
Travelling far and away.
My quest; so vast
Flying upon the wings of life,
Into the sun,
In search of answers.

Upon the plains,
Basking beneath the morning light.
I looked in caves,
Caverns,
I looked for my solitude.
In search of loneliness,
I traveled from the deepest pits,
To the highest peaks.
And then,
With an exasperated smile,
I turned inside,
And found,
Within the shell of my heart,
The glowing pearl,
Of my loneliness.

Bruised and scarred,
But with slight contentment,
I set out upon another journey.
Beneath the falls of the elixir,
In search of the fountain,
That shall bless me with youth, eternal.
Underneath the colors of the evening sky,
I was lost.
Once more,
Before I gave up,
I turned inside to find,
The child of youth,
Playing upon my hearts field.

‘Joy to the world…’
The tribesmen chanted,
Celebration, jubilation,
They danced to the miracle of life.
I looked within the babe’s eyes,
Blue and bright,
And through its dark passage,
I found at its end,
Within its new born heart,
The flower of joy,
Its fragrance, so sweet.
The innocence, blissful.
And so lies the essence of the fragrance.
I turned inside to find,
My own flower of joy,
Dry and wilted,
The infestation of my most shallow desires,
The dusts of my deeds.

I ran from town to town,
City to city.
I looked for the perfect companion,
A soul so much like mine,
But soon,
I knew I need not the body,
But the key to release me.
No candy hearts got me them,
Nor did Jewels or Orchids
All I found was a reflection,
In the mirror of my soul.
The lonely heart yearns not much,
But love,
To set it free.
And I turned inside,
My heart admonished me:
" Love seeks you,
thou shan't seek."

I yearned for Gods paradise,
Feared the fiery pits of hell.
No field, no meadow divulged me heaven,
No forest fire, no stones belly revealed me hell.
I searched for days; even weeks,
Looking for the two world’s.
Alas! Me the fool!
I should have looked within sooner,
Where I found both worlds,
Existing in perfect harmony,
In my universe.
Waiting for their release.

So much within me existed,
And I had shuffled and crawled on,
Just to catch glimpses of what I had all along.
So finally a smile broke upon my wrinkled face,
I mocked myself.
I found so much,
All I looked for…
Also found what I did not look for…
Look within,
Seek from your soul,
And all the answers,
you shall see...

Enough said...

“…let there be no purpose in friendship save the deepening of spirit.
For love that seeks aught but the disclosure of its own mystery is not love but a net cast forth: and only the unprofitable is caught.

And let your best be for your friend.
If he must know the ebb of your tide, let him know its flood also.”

-The Prophet, Kahlil Gibran

Stolen glances, comfortable silences, conspiring, bitching, gossiping, fighting, reconciliations, smoking on the sly, consuming industrial quantities of alcohol, Chicken at Khuranas, leching, politically incorrect conversations, sharing it all, arguing, crying in each others arms, a random Katsypoo or Ketu or Kittu or Kaytee or Chaetan call, a convoluted smirk which says it all, secret keeping, leg pulling, the pleading for recharges, borrowing but not returning cash, throwing surprise birthday bashes, sleepovers without any sleep, sharing X rated videos, women bashing (Verbally, of course, though at times the literal act is so much more inviting), the Thai Curry cooking, cooking bread and egg at midnight (if not early morning), spontaneous lunch treats, chocolate and dessert making, a random hug, a goofy photograph, a cup of coffee, a drive at midnight, pillion riding without a helmet, watching 'buttons' and 'naughty girl' goggle eyed, motivating each other…

Yeah, my friends and I have done it all (almost).

This is one is for all you guys out there, my friends, old, new, school and college, wont say anything else ( at the risk of cheapening it).

Love you loads.

For Guddi

“ Hunne nahin jee, Hune mein Ketan da kaam kar rahi Han.”

Fear not my comrades, this is not some strange Martian dialect, it is Punjabi, simply written in English (the English language has its own advantages). Punjabi is THE medium of conversation in my family. What else do you expect from a family, which took refuge in Delhi after the violent amputation of Pakistan from India.
We began as a bunch of refugees, in the settlement of Karol Bagh, we had nothing but this plot of land. Even then, we did not have the resources to build a house, my Grandparents started with laying down the bricks for what is now my houses main living room. They had one small room, and five little children to take care of, my elder Bua (Hindi for Aunt) being the eldest of the lot. My youngest uncle was quadriplegic. He could not walk. He is not there anymore. Currently 3 generation of us Kapurs live in that house.
Bua was always the mother figure among the siblings, her name is Neelam, but the family calls her Guddi (How cute!). Now, Guddi, sounds like a name for someone who is short and frumpy. Bua is anything, but short and frumpy. A tall, imposing woman, who towers over most men and women her age (she will be sixty-two this month). A strong headed, woman, who can brave a storm better than any man with her mettle can. She can carry you through the worst phases of your life, with the fortitude of a rock. A woman, who embodies all the qualities of womanhood.
Bua moved back with us after a failed marriage. Perhaps, the most terrible phase in anyone’s life, predictably, she was shattered. Yet she rebuilt her life, slowly and steadily. She began from scratch, with the support of her family, and an amazing set of friends, she started life from a clean slate, and mind you, she did a Fucking great job of it.
Bua said above quoted line yesterday morning, to my Grandmother. I was a little surprised at the priority that was I. More than flattering, it was thought provoking. Bua has always given priority to me, my work, my needs, above everything else. It was only yesterday, for some reason, that her behaviour became very evocative.
After we lost mom, Bua took up the role of the matriarch. For some unfathomable reason, it was not hard for me to accept her the way she is. She is loving, affectionate, tender and caring. She went out of her way to look after me. Heck, half the aunts today don’t even acknowledge their nieces and nephews. She loved more than any mother could love her own child.
I owe a lot to Bua; she has been the one from whom I have borrowed a number of qualities, strength, fortitude, and resilience in the face of adversity, selflessness and the ability to give without asking.
Bua has proved it, in her own iconic sort of way that being a parent is mere title ship. Many, who have the title, fail fall short of doing anything a parent should, yet those, who have not been given this title, by the lord, fulfil it better than most.